she isn't even supposed to be here today
I hate mondays. Except for this week, where I hate tuesday instead.

Because of my lack of a job, I'm home a lot. And my mom has mondays off. She's ussually ok thru the whole weekend, but as soon as it's monday and everyone else goes to work, she turns into this horribly hateful person, and all that hate is directed at me.

I escaped yesterday, because my dad was home too and I left. And then, laying in bed this morning I remember that she gets another day, because yesterday was memorial day. I hoped I was wrong. I wasn't.

It hasn't gotten bad yet, there hasn't been any yelling, just a couple evil glances when I didn't realize the recycling was full and she was taking it out and I offered to do it. But she wants to be able to bitch at me for not doing it, so she took it out herself.

I hate this. Must find job and move out.

first entry
So this is new. It's not like I haven't tried before, but those attempts were, well, not LIES really, but they weren't exactly honest, because I was always censoring myself because of SOMEONE. For example, my cousin reads my livejournal and sometimes all I want to do is talk shit about my mom. And, even though I trust him, I guess, I don't want to have to have him come to my blog and read shit about his aunt, even though I guess I wouldn't mind if the situation were reversed. Except that the things I want to say about my mom are probably worse than anything he could possible say about his mom.

And, beyond that, I guess I just want something new. I need it. The past couple days, weeks,months, have all been unspeakably weird. But especially this week so far. I don't know why, I wish I did.